I know I know. I owe you about a hundred posts over the beginning of this year. There are things that have happened I wanted to write about and I’m afraid I’m going to forget.
So in this short frame of time, I’m going to try and get a bunch of posts knocked out. I am going to back date a bunch of them, or however many I get finished today while Oliver is napping and Bella is content on the floor playing. So you might have to look for them.
I know I have mentioned this before, how weepy eyed I become whenever I watch any children’s program. This time I am specifically talking about the Children's program that we watched at church the other night.
This time around it was a little different as my emotions were pulled in two different directions.
Half the time I was thinking that Bella should be up there, she should be able to enjoy putting on a Christmas program for her family and friends. Would she be the child that was shy and just standing up there? Would she be the child that was constantly waving at her parents the whole time? Would she be the child that was proud of herself and singing every word and doing every action?
The other half of the time I was thinking that Oliver would be up there signing next year. And the songs were simple and cute enough, I knew that if he had been up there this year he would already know all the words and actions. He does pretty well with memorizing kids songs.
But pretty much the whole time I had tears in my eyes, just ready to spill over as I kept telling myself “Get it together Kristen, there is no reason to cry”. “Eyes, dry yourself out, there is no reason to cry”.
I wonder if it will ever get easier. I wonder what will happen next year when I am watching my son, starting to do all the things I wanted my daughter to be able to do.
I really tried to hold off as long as I could. I feel like half the time on this blog I am talking about sickness (in my defense more than half the time someone is sick), but I really didn’t want to keep having to bring it up.
Jesse mentioned last week that Oliver was sick. And boy was Oliver sick. I would say this was the first time in his life he really battled something stronger than a weak cold. He was out of service for 8 days, out of school for 5 1/2 days, had a fever for 6 days, went to the doctor twice and the hospital once (for a chest x-ray – came out inconclusive). We had plans to head to Nebraska last weekend for some fun Mom and Dad time while the kids stayed with grandma. Except everyone was still too sick to go.
I waited all week and finally last Friday at noon came the dreaded call from Bella’s school, the one that said “Bella’s sick she needs to go home”. And then Friday night I started to get a fever. The weekend was alright, kids were still sick, we took it easy and they napped a lot. But for the past 10 days Jesse and I have not been getting much sleep as it’s a constant rotation to help the child that can’t stop coughing, crying, or has a temperature.
Oliver’s first full day back at school was today. Bella was out of school yesterday and ended up coming home early again today. And again tonight, I am getting a fever and burning up.
So I’m tired, sick, feverish, emotional, and my body just aches. I need help. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do…ask God when we need help. When we get to the point we throw up our arms because we can’t fight anymore…and ask for help. This is me asking for help.
I started reading a new book today. It’s a young adult fiction book, and I am finding it a great read. They are turning it into a movie soon. It’s called "The Fault in Our Stars".
I’m not sure if it’s because I am emotional and tired right now, but I am finding that this book is bringing me to tears at points, and I am finding similarities between the main character and myself.
The main character is a 16 year old girl who is fighting/surviving cancer. It was thyroid cancer but had moved to her lungs and now she has to carry around an oxygen machine everywhere she goes. She is not able to go to normal school anymore because she is too sick. She feels that she can’t have her same “normal” friends anymore because they don’t know what to say, and her cancer is always there. She feels that everyone always stares at her because she always has the oxygen machine with her, the visible sign of cancer.
And in a weird way today I felt that having a special need’s child like Bella, is similar to having cancer. It might be a strange and bold statement, but the parallels are there.
As soon as Bella was born, my life revolved around her. Just like cancer would sweep in and take over, Bella takes over my world.
I do not, nor can I ever have what I would consider a “normal” life, or even what I dreamed/aspired to do when I was young.
We can’t do “normal” activities as a family because Bella can not participate.
We have friends, “normal” friends, but it can be hard to keep up the friendship when either you always have to go out without your kids, you try not to bring up your kids because it’s a downer, or if you do an activity with your kids you are always the outcast. As in we are always easily spotted as being different and dealing with a special needs child.
We don’t want to stay home and be recluses, but you can see how the tendency might creep up when doing any activity takes twice to three times the amount of work. Just like cancer it’s one of the labels you are always stuck with and always judged by.
I often think when I walk into a room people are thinking – “Oh there comes that mom, you know, the one with the special needs daughter that can’t walk or talk or do anything”. The child who is over there making strange noises in public, with her head down and to the side.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people are mean. In fact most people are wonderful and nice. But let’s be honest….it’s still a label I will live with for the rest of my life and Bella will define me for the rest of my life.
It’s up to me to not let what defines me bring me down. And most times I can do that. But there are times when it gets hard, when I do feel sorry for myself, when I do allow myself to wallow in pity.
I should probably take this hot bod to bed (because I have a temperature and am burning up, not because I think I am good looking), and get some precious few moments of rest before the coughing in the house begins again.
Jesse and I started our 17 Day Diet again. We did it in the spring last year and were really successful. Then over the course of a year we both put some weight back on. Although luckily I only put half back on, so as far as diets go I would say this one was pretty good. But since we had put some weight back on, we decided to try it again.
It’s day 5. I have had a headache for all 5 days. I think my body is mad at me for going cold turkey on carbs. I am a carboholic! Luckily this diet isn’t too crazy, only 17 days without carbs and then 17 days with carbs limited to every other day, and then you can put them back in your diet.
Since I am currently in the middle of this diet, along with continuous headaches and going to bed hungry (I could eat veggies if I wanted, but I would rather be hungry and just go to bed than eat a carrot at 7oclock at night), it pretty much explains why I have been absent from both of my blogs this week and most likely next week too.
Also Oliver’s 2nd birthday is around the corner, so we have some things planned for that. If only I can ditch this headache and get productive….oh and we have a dining room with just a few details to finish…talk about procrastination!
Beware this might get graphic.
Have you ever gone out for a night of dinner and drinking and woken up the next morning feeling terrible and telling yourself you will never drink again?
Have you felt so terrible you really were certain this time you never really would drink again?
Have you then thrown up a few times and started to get the shakes and then wonder if this was alcohol poisoning? But also thinking to yourself….you did not drink that much…did you?
Have you then decided to take a bath to hopefully feel better? Fallen asleep in the tub. Been woken up by your husband wondering if you were ever going to come downstairs because he doesn’t feel so great either and would like help watching the kids. Then had such an overwhelming urge to puke that you actually puke on yourself in the tub? Although if you are going to puke on yourself, there really is no better place to do it!
Have you then gone downstairs and still thinking this is just a hangover tried to eat a little and get water in your system to help yourself feel better? You also attempt to interact with the kids, but really just can’t do anything but lie down. Except now your husband is spending a bunch of time in the bathroom, so you have to step it up and play with the kids.
Have you ever gotten the overwhelming urge to puke again? And this time the only bathroom on the floor you are on is occupied by your husband. So you make a run for the kitchen sink. Except that big glass of water you just drank does not want to wait for you, so it comes out anyways. And since you don’t want it to get on the floor, you try and catch it with your hands. Which just manages to catch it, but also proceeds to shove it all in your face and back up your nose and even into your hair. You finally make it to the sink to let it all out of your hands and are standing there still getting rid of “stuff” when your 2 year old asks you nicely for a glass of water?
Have you ever puked 14 times in one day? And are now realizing you have something very nasty going on.
Have you congratulated yourself because even if nothing else got done, at least the kids each ate three meals that day?
Have you ever gone to bed at night when you are sick and then had to get up with your kids, because to them it’s just a normal day and night. And then after you have gotten up with them you hear a loud crash downstairs. You get up to investigate and manage to quickly scan the first floor, but then the need to get to the toilet is so great you have to run to the bathroom. So that if someone had actually broken into your house they would be able to escape with everything while you are relieving diarrhea in the toilet?
Just thought I would share some of our funnier moments of being sick around here. And we don’t actually know what caused the loud crash, maybe some type of animal running into the window? At least no one ran off with our stuff.
Here is picture of Friday night, the night of dinner and drinking before we got sick.
And the whole time we were sick, Oliver would get his boots on, get his jackets, and say “oouiside”, “oouiside”. Poor kid wanted to enjoy the beautiful weekend, but neither of us was really in good shape to take him outside.
Jesse did manage once for a short period of time, and on Sunday Aunt Amy came over for an hour to play with him and give us a break.
It’s very frustrating when something so small and insignificant can totally mess up your life.
Last fall it was when I sprained my ankle to the point where I couldn’t even take care of my kids for a couple of days.
This time it’s even worse, as in stupid. I did something to my wrist. I have no idea what I did. A couple of days ago it started hurting, and I noticed it when I was carrying Bella around or Oliver. When they would lean back in my arms so that my wrist was engaged to hold them up, it would send a sharp pain radiating down my arm.
Now it’s so bad that small things hurt it. Doing the dishes, putting on my seatbelt, absolutely anything that involves rotating my wrist and then any type of force no matter how small. The problem is….I have to use my wrist. I use it all the time…all day long. And some things like carrying a tantrum throwing toddler or a handicap 5 year old make it scream in pain.
Speaking of tantrums. I took Oliver with me to get my allergy shot this morning. I figured since I have to sit around in the doctors office for 30 minutes, I would take Oliver to the inside playground to wear him out beforehand. Except he didn’t want to play in the actual playground. He threw a huge fit in the middle of the room. Instead he wanted to explore the rides, the little rides you can insert quarters into. So after I got him calmed down and we packed up our things, we headed back over to the rides.
I didn’t insert a single quarter, but he still managed to have fun climbing all over them for the following 40 minutes.
And then we had an epic tantrum when we had to leave and head over to the doctors office. I guess 40 minutes wasn’t enough for his liking. I should have just pulled up a chair and I could have sat there and watched him all morning long…or at least till the mall opens up and then we might have gotten a few stares!
I know we have been missing from this blog.
I took Bella into the doctor last week to see if she was sick, and to try and explain why she has been crying and fussing so much lately. They couldn’t find anything wrong with her, but decided to try an antibiotic in case she was having an ear infection (there was some fluid in her ear).
I was busy with work all day Thursday and Friday of last week.
We did some family activities this past weekend which I will blog about. I started the blog posts, but can’t seem to find the right words to finish them out.
I started my allergy shots last week, and then wasn’t feeling the greatest. I couldn’t tell if the allergy shots were to blame, or if I was getting sick again.
Last night I felt so horrible that it’s been confirmed I am officially sick again. And since I’m sick of being sick, this time it seems so much worse!
So now I am just trying to cope and really bummed out because this week was spring break and I was hoping to do some fun activities with the kids and also get some things done for myself. Seems like that won’t be happening now.
I’m sick so I don’t actually feel like doing anything.
Instead I am sitting here thinking about all the things I need/want to get done in the next couple of months.
March:
This is a busy month with many family birthdays (gifts I want to make, or need to purchase)
Easter (still debating if I want to host an Easter dinner again with an egg hunt for the kiddos)
Spring break (meaning our schedule is all out of whack for a couple of weeks).
April:
Again a few family birthdays (for some reason Jesse and my family members all have birthdays in the same months, they seem to stack up on each other)
We are going on vacation (this means major prep work making sure the kids will be alright while we are gone, plus for me it means making sure I have all the clothes made/altered that I want to take and vowing not to buy anything new!!)
Our 8 year wedding anniversary is during this month (this year we might have something a little out of the ordinary in the works)
Kindergarten roundup time (getting Bella all prepared for her upcoming transition).
May:
This starts wedding season and a few projects for myself (I would like to alter a bridesmaid dress to wear)
Hey no birthdays this month but with 6 the following month of June, including Oliver and Jesse, I will need to be working on this in May to get everything I want accomplished.
End of the school year, I’m very curious to see how this summer goes for Bella and Oliver. It will be completely different than last summer, and I imagine we will be outside A LOT.
And speaking of outside. I finally got myself to the allergy doctor to get tested for my allergies. Ends up I am allergic to 45 out of the 50 things they tested me for. Pretty much every kind of mold, dust mite, tree, grass, weed, and believe it or not animal.
Yes that means I am actually allergic to dogs. And being that we have two of them living in our house, I am beginning to wonder what that has done to me this whole time. Starting next week I will be going in to the doctors office twice a week to receive 3 shots at a time to try and build up my immunity to everything. This process will go on for 2 years, towards the end I will be going every 4 weeks instead of twice a week, but I’m still a little worried as to how my already crazy schedule is going to allow all these doctors visits.
When the doctor came back in to tell me the results he asked me why it had taken me this long to come in and see them. Ummm…..I’m sure most mothers understand…when you are juggling everything else going on in our lives…taking care of ourselves gets put on the backburner. And definitely for me, adding more doctor appointments is the very last thing I want to do.
This child is still fussy all the time. We have an ear appointment for her…completely guessing that might be a problem, but it’s going to be another couple of weeks before they can get her in.
And while we are having to pay more attention to a fussy Bella, Oliver has been getting into trouble. His latest target was the stereo/DVD player. The DVD portion has now met it’s untimely death. So a sad and depressed Jesse had to order a new DVD player. I’m kind of wondering if Oliver wasn’t put up to the task, since it’s been on Jesse’s wish list for a while to get a Blu Ray player.
It’s a day of warm drinks and lots of kleenex for myself.
Yes Oliver you can have more cheezits and fruit loops for breakfast. Oh you want to play with the ipad, yes you can play it all day long because it keeps you in one place!
Bella is still in school this morning, but it will be interesting to see how the day goes once she makes it home. She still hasn’t been in the best of moods and today…I don’t have the energy to do anything.
After being “stuck” with both kids at home for over a week, school being out, Bella being fussy, Oliver being pent up inside with no one to play with, Jesse at work, or out scooping snow, not really wanting or being able to leave the house with all the snow, and of course never getting enough sleep….I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I literally sat on the couch today and cried.
I’m not sure what is wrong with me, but one thing is for sure. I don’t have the mind set of someone who can “entertain” little kids all day long. I don’t know how people run daycares. I guess the only blessing is that those kids have other kids to play with, so it’s a little easier. But around here that isn’t the case. I try to play with Oliver, but my time is also being spent trying to take care of Bella. And today that wasn’t good enough.
Bella continued to fuss, eat s…o….v….e…r….y…s….l…o…w…..l….y, and want to be held. Oliver also wanted attention and anytime I was with Bella he was acting out and in particular climbing onto and into EVERYTHING.
For a good 45 minutes during my feeding Bella lunch, he carried this play table around to every single outlet on the first floor and would turn the lights off and on and off and on, until I would tell him to stop, pull him off, put the toy back in the rec room. And then of course he would just pick it back up and take it to a different light.
What was worse was that when I was finally finished with Bella, I actually tried to play with him. But he had so much energy at that point, that he thought it was fun to hit me and throw his toys at me. The hitting is on purpose, but the throwing toys I don’t think is meant to hurt…except that it does.
And that’s when I couldn’t take it anymore.
I absolutely know he does it because he isn’t getting the attention he wants. But I can’t ignore Bella and give him all the attention. When Bella is at school in the mornings and it’s just me and Oliver, it’s a totally different experience. And when Oliver is at the sitter’s with his friend Max who is the same age as him, he is a wonderful child (so I’m told), and loves to play and run around with the kids.
I decided the answer was that I was never meant to stay at home. I never planned on it, and I don’t really want to. Except of course I can’t work full time. I still haven't been able to find good care for Bella on a long term basis. Not to mention all the school functions, doctors appointments, sick days, etc that happen on an almost weekly basis.
No I can’t go back to work full time. So I’m stuck right where I am in this mess I call my life.
On a brighter side – Jesse and I are going on a vacation, without the kids. A whole week on an island. It will be a much needed break. Now if only I can make it a couple more months before the trip happens.
I have teased you for awhile. I created a poll to get some info from all of you. It was all leading up to some changes for this blog.
This blog will still exist. This blog will continue to be about our family activities and struggles. I will have a new extension of this blog that will now be showcasing all my “side projects”. If the main reason you come to this blog is to see the creative side….home remodeling, sewing, crafts, furniture, design, etc. Then you might want to change and start following the new blog www.crazykuhlencreations.blogspot.com . Both blogs will have a link to the other on the sidebar, so you can keep up with either, or follow both.
The content will not be repetitive, but the personal blog might at times give you insights to the background information on projects going on.
In preparation for launching the new blog, I have been working on quite a few things….so they can now be revealed on the Crazy Creations blog.
I’m sitting here at my computer and I should be working. And if I’m not working I should be doing a million other things that need to get done.
But I’m just sitting here.
Bella has been high maintenance since Sunday. It seems that her teething is back in full force. She was up last night crying. And this morning she was up at 5:15am crying. Oliver was also up at the same time.
So we took the kids downstairs. Bella was still crying.
1. I held her – still crying
2. Jesse gave her tylenol – still crying
3. I put orajel on her teeth – still crying
4. I held her and gave her drinks – still crying
5. I feed her – still crying
6. I got her dressed and ready for school – not crying anymore, but still fussing
7. I sent her off to school at 8am
I’m not sure how she is doing, but at that point there wasn’t anything more I could do for her, so she might as well go to school. And after 3 hours of crying, fussing, and trying to accommodate 2 kids. My energy is gone.
So I’m just sitting at my computer…not really doing anything. And not looking forward to the fact that both kids will be home in 2 hours, and I’m pretty sure this afternoon is going to be horrible.
I just want a day off, where I can do whatever I want and can blow off all the things I should be doing. That isn’t going to happen, so I would settle for a day in which Bella is happy….don’t think that’s going to happen either.
It’s two weeks in and we have finished painting and installing the chair rail. Jesse also got all the electrical outlets replaced (old ones were so bad you couldn’t even plug anything in without it easily falling out). We also replaced the light switch with a new dimmer switch.
This week the dining room will be on hold as we have an extremely busy week.
This week includes Valentine’s day…which when your kids are in school and especially when you are a room mother means a lot of extra work during this week.
This week is also parent teacher conferences and kindergarten informational meetings, so that eats into two nights.
This week is also the beginning of Lent…Easter is super early this week. So in our usual Lenten style we will be giving up a bunch of things.
This week I also need to get handmade gifts finished to give to certain someones….see upcoming post next week. Can’t spoil the surprise yet.
And then of course we have a normal week of both working.
I’ll admit I’m a little stressed looking at my to-do list.
I’m not sure if you noticed, but I added a little sleep days counter to the blog on the sidebar. This way I can keep track of how many days of continuous sleep we will get in a year. The rules are, we can not get up with the kids for the core hours of 10pm till 5am. If that happens, then it’s a continuous night of sleep for us, regardless if we don’t actually get to bed by 10pm ourselves. That’s our problem not theirs!
Hopefully the number will just keep creeping up and I will be embarrassed by all the days of sleep we have gotten. I might mean I have to eat my words about complaining about no sleep, but more importantly it would mean we would actually get sleep!
If you were lucky enough to get on the blog early last Thursday morning you might have seen a post by Jesse. I ended up taking it down, because someone spilled the beans about the next big project I have been working on. His post will go back up once I finish, so if you missed it, it will be back.
Here is some of the mess created by the big project. It’s something I have wanted to tackle forever. This is old upholstery fabric that has been taken off something???
We have also been busy putting the finishing touches on this project. We thought we were done, and then decided we needed to do some more trim work. So it looks like one more weekend will be needed to complete the project.
We are also getting more quotes and making a decision on our foundation repair. Unfortunately we have to address this issue before we can start working on Bella’s bedroom. And we really need to start working on Bella’s bedroom.
I’ve hinted that I might be starting something new. It’s all pending on my finishing the big project shown above. I’m hoping to launch this new venture at the beginning of February. Stay tuned.
I complain a lot about raising Bella. I often think “woe is me” and “why me”.
I have lots of hard decisions to make. And even harder decisions to make in the future.
But as often as I think about myself, I do think even more about Bella.
Why was Bella chosen to be like she is?
Why does she have to observe and watch life happen around her when she can’t participate?
What must it be like to have no one understand what you want, what you need, or what hurts?
Bella has to trust in us completely, to make all the right decisions for her, because she will never be able to.
And I do think we are lucky to have Bella.
And I think Bella is lucky to have us.
Because even though it’s hard.
I love my daughter and I try to do the very best for her.
And in this world, I’m not sure everyone else would do the same.
I should have taken the kids to the sitters today. I had so very many things to do.
I just couldn’t do it.
Bella had a rough week. Her main problem besides the obvious flu/throwing up for a day is that she was dehydrated. I think if you let Bella continuously drink water all day long, she still wouldn’t be able to drink 8 ounces of water. She takes water in one drop at a time. ONE DROP. And each drop takes her anywhere from a couple of seconds to a minute to swallow.
So for the last couple of days I have been busy giving her lots of time so she can get a little bit of water.
I knew she was doing better last night. As I mentioned I should have taken her to the sitters. But I knew she wouldn’t get her drinks. It’s so very hard to send her somewhere knowing she basically lays on the floor the whole time by herself. It’s even worse to pay for it.
Now I don’t blame the sitter. She is watching 4 kids. Bella gets feed, and I’m sure if she is crying she gets attention. But most of the time she is going to be laying on the floor while the other kids play around her or nearby.
So that was my dilemma today. To be able to get things done and actually get work in, which meant send Bella (& Oliver) to the sitters where she probably wouldn’t get what she needed to get back to 100%.
Of course in the end I decided to give Bella another day of more attention and I kept the kids home. I hope in her own way Bella appreciated it because my list of things to do is getting depressingly long.
On a separate note I did manage to make a short errand to Target after Jesse got home tonight.
And I just can’t get this lampshade out of my head.
Although I don’t really think it goes into any of my rooms.
We also need a side table. I saw this one and thought I might be able to recreate it.
It’s a sort of ottoman/side table. Although in our house, that fabric would have millions of black dog hair on it in no time. So I’m thinking a painted wood top and a printed or a least darker fabric choice. We can add that to my million long list of projects I want to complete.
Last night we got little sleep. Nothing new there.
This morning Bella was up and fussing at 5:30am. Not even sure if she slept much last night at all. Jesse was debating how well he felt and if he should stay home to recoup another day before going back to work.
After listening to Bella for 10 minutes this morning, he decided to go into work.
I would have left too if I could have.
Bella fussed all morning, no matter what was happening. What she really wanted was drinks, but even if you were giving her drinks, she would fuss. Boy would it have been nice if the child could give herself a drink.
When Oliver went down for a nap, I sat with her, 2 hours straight, giving her drinks, feeding her, etc. 30 minutes in she finally stopped fussing and just enjoyed getting drinks. The second Oliver was up and I couldn’t give her my undivided attention, she was back to fussing again.
By 1:30 today I was sitting in my closet alone, screaming because I was so frustrated. At 2pm I put her in her bed, I told her I wasn’t going to check on her for an hour, because I needed a break and the best thing for her would be to fall asleep.
Luckily she did, and some 2 hours later she is still sleeping.
Tomorrow needs to be better than today, or I will seriously be checking myself into an insane asylum…you can sleep there right?
And looks like I’m not alone…
Science Confirms It: Whining Is The Most Annoying Sound Ever
Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/06/22/science-confirms-it-whining-is-the-most-annoying-sound-ever/#ixzz2HWXtFKLZ
Isn’t that what everyone hopes for, that’s why we all set New Year’s Resolutions to be better.
I feel like I have a million different resolutions. Some are obvious.
1. Lose Weight (or more specifically lose the 6 pounds I have put on during the no holds bar holiday season-how does that even happen? and then lose 6 more pounds to get me to my happy weight)
2. Get more organized. In fact we spent the past couple of days organizing different areas of the house and we have a bunch more to do.
3. Get our priorities in line. If you remember Jesse and I asked ourselves some questions as to what we felt was the most important things to focus on in this post here, and then we didn’t do anything about it. But cooking healthy was one of the top things that will get more attention this year. Oh…Jesse thought I was going to say cleaning…that’s too bad!
Some are big picture items.
1. Figure out a better balance for me. I have touched on this subject and have been doing some thinking and planning. I will let you know more as I get things lined up. It might take a leap of faith, but I need to act more and think/complain less.
2. This is the year of “the house”. Meaning we are planning on sinking a bunch of money and time into the house to get some of the projects finished up. And I do mean sink money into it.
Our foundation wall has been sinking in one corner of the house. We had a company come out and they confirmed one corner has settled 2”. We knew it was bad, I mean you could tell when walking in this area that you were leaning, and we had drywall cracks all over.
Looks like we will have to fix it, something to the tune of $12,000 or so. $$Cha-ching. Our biggest and spendiest projects so far on this house have been replacing the sewer system and now fixing the foundation. Exciting huh?
In other big ticket news, our oven has broken. One would normally just replace the oven or try and get it fixed. I hate the oven. I love the double oven feature, but it’s a super skinny apartment size width oven. I believe I have mentioned before that some of my baking sheets and pans don’t fit into it. So if I’m going to replace it, I would buy a normal size oven. That snowballs into a whole new kitchen. Yeah for me…I really want a new kitchen. Boo for Jesse….he really doesn’t want to work on this project.
And we have to start working on Bella’s bedroom. It is getting hard for family members to carry her upstairs. It is starting to limit our choices in babysitters also. Not that we have many sitters, but usually we try and have the kids to bed before we leave so they don’t have to worry about it.
And this leads me straight into my next topic.
Last night was New Year’s Eve. We had plans to go over to a friends house, with the kids along, since we couldn’t find a sitter. In the end we had to bail. Bella was a fussy mess all day long and we didn’t want to risk the kids not being able to fall asleep at a house they have never been at, and us being up late and then having to be up early (5:30 am with a short wakeup at 2am to be exact).
Jesse and I stayed home. Both kids were in bed by 7:30 and we looked at each other and said….now what? Should we watch a movie..no. Play a game…no. In the end we ended up sharing a bottle of wine (mostly me) and talking.
When discussing what our biggest obstacles to being happy were…Jesse’s thought was the house and mine was Bella. These are our two biggest challenges we face. Always having to work on the house and always having to take care of Bella. Both of these things add a huge amount of stress to our relationship. And apart from selling our house, there really isn’t too much we can do about either one.
So this is where we have decided on ramping up and working on more of the house to try and get some things tackled (and make Jesse’s to-do list seem more manageable).
And.
3. Finding a sitter and actually using them to take care of Bella (and Oliver) so we can get a break. You know if we had been in this very same situation say 5-10 years ago, when Bella turned 5 we would have had assistance to build her a bedroom and handicapped accessible bathroom and we would have had a respite care provider who would have come over to take care of Bella and give us a break on a weekly basis.
Because we live when we do and all the states and federal government are in a deficit, we are on a waiting list that at best chance gets us help when she is 13 years old. So 8 years down the road her bedroom and bathroom will definitely be done, but maybe we can get help with a sitter if we are lucky. So we need to step it up and buck up the money so we can get some sanity and time to be together.
I think that about sums up my New Year’s Resolutions. Here’s to a successful New Year for everyone!
And for a little reminiscing since I figured most years there was a picture of the two of us in Husker gear.
Jesse and I actually got out of the house and saw a movie last night. We went to “This is 40”. It was funny and actually made us re-think some things that go on in our house.
#1 – We need to stop yelling.
We don’t yell a lot. But enough that we are worried about Oliver and even Bella learning from our behavior.
My number one aggression outlet is the dogs. I might be frustrated by Bella, Oliver, etc, and the dogs will do one little thing and I turn on them. I always feel bad afterwards.
So I personally need to do a better job at letting my frustrations/anger go. Probably a deep breath and leaving the room for a minute would work.
The number one reason I yell. When I am crazily trying to make lunch or dinner for Bella and Oliver, get everyone served, and then shortly afterwards Oliver is taking the food I prepared for him and feeding it to the dogs. And there in lies the reason I yell at the dogs…because they are constantly begging. Most of the time Oliver isn’t feeding them because he doesn’t want to eat it or he is finished, it’s because they are there and he is sharing. I know this because he will continue to eat what is on his plate when the dogs have been removed.
Besides locking the dogs in a room I don’t know how to change this behavior, because it is so ingrained in them to beg. So advice for anyone getting a dog in the future….do not feed them from the table…EVER. It will turn into a nasty habit that you will regret.
And I know Oliver is learning from me. He yells at the dogs too. Most times right after I have finished yelling at them in a string of words I can’t understand. Whoops…nice one mom.
He also loves to torment them by ramming his pushing toys into them. He actually isn’t trying to torment them, he is trying to play chase with them. But sometimes they don’t feel like running from him.
Notice how the dog bed is not even a safe haven for the dogs…he will take his toys up there to get them. As of now they are his best friends (which is why in his mind they deserve so much of his food).
He is also sporting the one and only piece of clothing I have made for him. The little football raglan shirt.
