Merry Christmas!

It's been one of those holidays.  The cookies have all been made, granted it took until Christmas Eve to get them frosted, so needless to say the cookies did not get distributed to friends, teachers, neighbors.  Instead we get to eat hundreds of cookies and feel bad because we didn't get anything delivered.

 And as with all holidays, Bella got sick (teething) 3 days before Christmas.  So we had to cancel our plans to head back to Nebraska for Christmas and hunkered down at home to spend time with our sick child.  The last three nights we have been splitting shifts sleeping with Bella, who wakes up every hour coughing.  The first night it was actually every 15 minutes, so we have made progress.
We did manage to make it to Christmas Eve service.  I had to laugh because anyone who heard Bella cough or saw her (her eyes are all red again due to breaking of the blood vessels around the eyes from coughing) would think she was an extremely sick child and should not be out in public.  But we took her knowing she isn't contagious and made it through the service (with little talking and little coughing).
So today we spend our Christmas day, Bella getting better, and Jesse and I doing things around the house (is that normal).  And hoping that soon we will get a good night's sleep.
Some year maybe we can enjoy Christmas activities on Christmas, but until then..........Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Picture Overload

It may have been awhile since we took pictures and uploaded pictures around our house.  So this will be a very long post (mostly visual) to get you up to date.

Our house at night.  Can you see the left string at the top of the roof line is out.  Well it seems we have some busy little squirrels who keep chewing through our lights.  We have already lost 4 small white strands and one large red strand.  Not sure what to do about that, and we have hundreds of squirrels around here.

 This picture I mainly posted so you could see my double chin.  I was completely unaware I had one....going to have to work on that.

 Here are a couple of pictures of our brand new fireplace logs installed on Friday.  We have been enjoying them, it makes the family room so much cozier.  For now you will have to use your imagination to see the new fireplace mantel, columns, and trim work all in white.  It should finally complete the room (well in our heads at least, this project is way down on the list of priorities).

 Our church had a Christmas cantata this morning, and Bella did a great job watching and listening.  Of course every time the choir stopped singing (and I really do mean every time) she would talk in a very loud voice.  It made us laugh, and some times during speaking parts or solos we had to quietly hush her, or cover her mouth.

 When we got home we let her play around with the new battery operated LED lights Jesse had bought.  She thought they were great.

 We tried to get a family portrait in front of the fireplace.  Here is a shot showing our lovely blackened brick.

 Sometimes it's hard to hold Bella up and maker her look like she is sitting independently.  As you can see, I might have been trying a little too hard here.

 Well it's a couple more days of work and then off for the holidays.  I have been busy making cookies around here and trying to get all the last minute gifts.  Not too mention the pile of gifts staring up from below the tree waiting to be wrapped.  Kind of wishing I would have taken this whole week off...........

We really are still doing work

This is an older picture.....can't you tell?  But as we speak we are getting our fireplace worked on right now.  They are currently fixing the firebox and then we will be getting gas logs installed later today.  Finally we will have a fireplace we can use.  Now I will just have to work on refinishing the front, I have some ideas, just need to find the time.

 And again this is an old picture taken back in September, when we first started working on the stairs.  We have beens slowly working on them for the past few months.  They are getting close, and we hope to finalize the project over the Christmas break.

So maybe sometime soon we will actually have new pictures to show you.

On a separate note, we actually had a guy come out to give us quotes on helping us with a few projects.  Mainly focusing on the kitchen, and master bathroom.  Let's just say we overwhelmed him, and he won't be helping us.  I think his comment as he walked out the door was that we would be working on this for a very long time.

A reprieve

Amazingly enough, the day after I left my last post where Jesse and I had reached our limit, Bella's mood greatly improved.  She has been happy since last Friday.  I'm not really sure how being that last Thursday we went to the ear doctor again and Bella's single ear infection had turned into a double ear infection.  We still have the ear infection and tomorrow we will be going back again to finally get medicine for her.  Because we have been battling so many ear infections we have scheduled another ear surgery to get the current tubes removed and then new antibacterial ones put in.  The question we currently have is whether it is better to let her ears heal before we put in new tubes, therefore requiring two separate surgeries; or to put the new tubes in immediately and risk having problems.  I think we have a risk of problems either way, so it's a hard decision to make, and we are still working out the details.
In the meantime both Jesse and I have a work deadline on the exact same day, which means we have been taking turns working long hours.  Hopefully we will get a break at the end of the week and be able to enjoy the Christmas season.
Speaking of, I have been feeling a little bit like scrooge as I have decided not to send out Christmas cards this year.  I just haven't found the time, and the commitment of sending out over 100 cards just gets to be too much.  So this year we will not be sending out cards.....you just might find a Christmas wish on the blog here as the holiday gets closer.  If we can finally get the camera out and get a good family picture.

On my knees

The saying goes "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", and while that may be true, sometimes I don't want to have to be the strong one.  Sometimes I would like the quality of my life, Jesse's life, and Bella's life to improve.
If the point is to make me feel like a bad mother because I can't deal with my child anymore...then I'm there.
If the point is to overwhelm me so that I don't have the motivation to get anything done...then I'm there.
If the point is to make Jesse and I so stressed that we take it out on each other....then we are there.
If the point is to make this rough patch seem like it's going to last an eternity and nothing will ever get better...then I'm there.
If the point is to add insult to injury by having a mouse poop all over my kitchen, on all my utensils, all my dishes, all my pots and pans, so that I can't even feed my family without having to do a million extra dishes...well that happened too.

I read other blogs and support group pages, where mothers and some fathers will write about their kids struggles, and then say "but I wouldn't change a thing about them, I love them just the way they are!".
REALLY!!
Either they are saints, or I am just a bad person.  I would change things about Bella if I could.  Why else would you go through these constant therapies and doctors appointments, etc, if you didn't want to try and improve your child's life.

I will admit that although we go through our struggles life is easier when Bella is happy.  But Bella hasn't been happy in months, in fact I would say this particular spell has been going on since July.  It just comes and goes so that we have small pockets of good days and long weeks of bad ones.  And there seems to be no end in sight.

So I am down on my knees with my arms thrown up over my head.  I give up.  All I know is Bella needs some relief from all this pain she is going through, and Jesse and I need our sanity back.....and soon.

Thanks for listening.

The small violin

Do you hear it playing in the background?
I know I seem to complain about the same things over and over again.  And most people must think we are crazy when we keep blaming teething for all our problems.  But honestly, this is getting ridiculous.  Every other week we have to stay home with Bella for a day or two because she is teething and is exhibiting a fever, ear infection, not eating, constipated, coughing through the night, and in general being cranky and very irritable.
This whole process is never ending, and the symptoms seem to get worse and worse all the time.  Bella has been teething for awhile and we would have a few things going on, but not this constant all day and night long struggle that keeps her from school and daycare and keeps us up all night and not functioning.
Most of all I feel bad for her, because I know this isn't fun and she seems to be miserable a lot of the time.  And unfortunately we don't really have anything new to report around here, just trying to survive all this teething, and hopefully fit a little bit of the holidays in around it!

Exterior Christmas Decorations

We spent last weekend decorating the outside of our house for Christmas.  

I was excited to get out all the wreaths and bows I had purchased last year.  I think it looks great, too bad we are hardly ever home during the light of day to see it.

 I also bought these really large ornaments and put them in our evergreen tree.  I am going to have to purchase more this year (hope they still make them), as they barely seemed to make a dent in the huge tree.

Now how about a small dusting of snow to make everything look more festive!