Friday, February 28, 2014

Say Something

I have been missing for awhile.  I wish there was an exciting reason.  But it's just been sickness after sickness after sickness after sickness.  I could go on and on, because no exaggeration, it's been non stop.

Bella is in a particularly bad spell right now.  One of those mystery sicknesses we can't diagnose and can't seem to get over, which gets contributed to teething once again.

It's also hard when she is sick because normal "mothering" actions don't soothe her.  She seems to have a bit of sensory issues and at times can't be comforted.  Which can make it extremely hard emotionally for us as the parents when we can't find a way to make things better.

There has been lots of crying around here for the last week, day and night.  And it seems at least once a day I even break down from the stress.

Today I heard a song again and it really hit me as it pertains to Bella.

I feel like I am giving up on her because if can't see any real progress.  I feel horrible about the fact that I don't push her enough at home.  I don't do enough follow through with her therapies.  I enroll her in extra outside therapies and then always end up canceling them because it gets too expensive, we cancel all the time because of sickness, or it doesn't seem to be worth the effort.

That last statement probably sums it up.  "It doesn't seem to be worth the effort".  And how horrible is that to say about your child.  The daily taking care of Bella wipes me out and with everything else that goes on in our lives, I have literally given up on pushing her to do more, because I don't see progress.



Now you can listen to this song and see if you understand.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Potty Training–Zoo Style

Oliver is 2 1/2.  I was definitely ready for him to be out of diapers, especially since he wouldn’t let me change them anymore and would run away from me thinking it was a game.

He actually started showing interest in the potty around age 2, but the physical signs (holding pee for a couple of hours, and having more adult like poops) just weren’t there yet.  But we bought a few potty’s and a few books to start talking about the process and if he wanted to sit on them, we encouraged it.

Fast forward a couple of months and the physical signs started to happen, but there was little interest from Oliver himself.  He would at times sit on the potty, even sitting for 15-20 minutes and nothing would happen.

I read a few books myself and looked up a bunch of research on potty training.  The majority of research said you could potty train in 3 days.  I also read that in the past most kids were potty trained around the age of 18 months, and now days it was getting closer to age 3.  The main difference…..disposable diapers.  They claim that the disposable diapers now days do such a good job absorbing the pee, that the kids don’t really feel it, and therefore don’t even know what the sensation to pee is.

Since Oliver had tried sitting on the potty and when we asked if he needed to pee, he would try pushing really hard like he had to poop, we figured he had no idea what pee meant.  So we decided to take the path of putting him in underwear and letting him feel what it was like to pee himself.  This was guaranteed to make a mess, but we figured he was a smart kid and he would figure it out quickly.  And since he was refusing to sit on the potty when we asked him, we figured this was the only way.

We actually did some test runs of this potty training style a couple of weekends, we would start on a Saturday and after cleaning up pee and poop all day long and not going in the toilet once, we would give up after one day.  But it did give him a chance to feel the pee, and he did not like it one bit.  But still he would sit on the potty for 20 minutes and then get up and almost immediately pee his pants.

After the failed attempts we would wait a couple of weeks and then try again.  We would talk about where pee and poop go, and that if he peed in the potty he would get “Gordon” his favorite Thomas the Train, plus if he tried he got jelly beans, and if he actually went he would get fruit snacks…his ultimate favorite treat.

So starts last weekend.  We were stocked on fruit snacks and juice boxes, so he could drink a lot and really have to go.  Saturday morning he woke up and was dry, so we were in the perfect position to start.  We set up a potty seat in the bathroom and a potty chair in our family room where he usually plays.

I had to heavily bribe him to even sit down.  Having to resort to fruit snacks to get him to sit down.  And then he would sit down….and nothing.  So he would get up.  30 minutes later, I again had to bribe him to sit down, and again nothing.  An hour later I bribed him to sit down….and finally we peed on the potty.  Our first success!!

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A couple hours later he pooped his pants.  I have heard it takes them longer to poop on the toilet, so no big deal, we cleaned it up.  He wanted to keep his underpants on for his nap, so we let him, and luckily he kept them dry.  Except when he woke up he still didn’t want to sit on the potty and eventually peed his pants.   Although we did have a bit of luck getting him to potty before he went to bed that night.  So in the first day he peed twice in the potty and had a few accidents around the house.  But this was progress.

Day 2 - On Sunday we did the whole thing again.  Again he peed in the potty in the morning after bribing him again and again to try.  The rest of the day we tried to get him on the potty and he would sit if bribed, but not always go.  And we continued to have accidents.  Although at this point he was doing a better job only letting a little bit out and then saying he was peeing and needed to get to the potty.

Day 3 - Monday – this was a school day and I debated what to do.  Everything says it would take 3 days and I should probably keep him home to continue.  Except a big snowstorm was coming and this might be the only day the kids would be in school and I could get things done.  Plus the teachers at school were supposed to be potty training experts, so I hoped he would make progress even going to school.

He peed at home in the potty before leaving for school, and peed in the toilet at school once.  Then it was downhill with multiple accidents and clothes changes.

Day 4 - Tuesday morning was indeed a snow day.  Same process in the morning although a little less bribing necessary (mainly because I realized he normally was up for 30 min to an hour before he had to pee).  Then around 9 am Bella woke up with puke everywhere.  Luckily Jesse was home due to the snow and he was giving Bella a bath while I was trying to get the sheets, pillows and puke covered stuffed animals in the wash.  Jesse yelled down that he needed help. 

Oliver was standing right beside him in the bathroom and had pooped and peed his pants.  So I had to then go up and clean up his stinky mess.  It was at this point I was about ready to give up on the potty training.  But we forged ahead and were about half toilet/half pants incidents for the day.  The frustrating thing was we always had to ask him/bribe him to sit on the potty.  He still really didn’t seem to have it figured out.

Day 5 – Wednesday – same process as Tuesday with no progress made.  By that evening when I was cleaning up pee out of the carpet after already having to clean a huge puddle of pee out of our couch that afternoon, I was giving up.  He still just didn’t seem to connect the sensation to pee.  I was beginning to think it might actually be something he just didn’t feel and that we were being horrible people for making him continually pee his pants.  Not to mention we were getting so frustrated that we were not keeping it fun and light anymore.  So that evening we put diapers on him for bed and we officially gave up.  Our house smelled like a zoo.

Day 6 – Thursday – We were officially done trying to potty train him, but we planned to leave the potty in the family room and occasionally ask if he needed to go, since he had some success.  That morning I left his diaper on instead of immediately taking it off the second he woke up.  And about an hour after he had woken up he was sitting on the couch and said to me “Oh I have to pee” and was trying to get to the potty.  So I helped him.  He didn’t go.  Although, 15 minutes later he said the same thing, and I helped him and low and behold, he went potty.

A couple hours later I was busy doing something and heard him say “Bella I’m going potty”.  I rushed into the family room, and there he was sitting on the potty.  He had taken down his pants, underpants, and diaper all by himself and was sitting on the potty.  Except in this instance he had actually already peed into the diaper before he got it all off. 

Since that time he will now do it himself.  Sometimes he still needs help getting all his clothes off, mainly because he is still wearing a diaper.  And why with his success is he still in a diaper?  Well at this point we haven’t had any luck with pooping in the toilet, so the diaper will stay on until then, I have cleaned enough poopy underwear!

We will see how long it takes him to poop in the toilet.  I’m hoping to have some success within a week.

He still gets fruit snacks every time he pees.  And we did go to the train store to get “Gordon” for his excellent job at going pee in the toilet.  Except he picked out “Flynn the Fire Engine” instead.  And now he asks for “Gordon” which he has been told we can go back and get once he poops in the toilet.

I can definitely tell you the experience was one huge long frustration and trying to keep everything fun and light was not easy as you continually clean up pee and poop.  And of course it took us double the time stated in all the experts opinion.  I honestly have no idea how he finally figured out the sensation and why it took as long as it did.  But I guess if you have a stubborn, smart, strong willed child like ours, this way of potty training might be your only option.

Good luck….you are going to need it!