Say Something

I have been missing for awhile.  I wish there was an exciting reason.  But it's just been sickness after sickness after sickness after sickness.  I could go on and on, because no exaggeration, it's been non stop.

Bella is in a particularly bad spell right now.  One of those mystery sicknesses we can't diagnose and can't seem to get over, which gets contributed to teething once again.

It's also hard when she is sick because normal "mothering" actions don't soothe her.  She seems to have a bit of sensory issues and at times can't be comforted.  Which can make it extremely hard emotionally for us as the parents when we can't find a way to make things better.

There has been lots of crying around here for the last week, day and night.  And it seems at least once a day I even break down from the stress.

Today I heard a song again and it really hit me as it pertains to Bella.

I feel like I am giving up on her because if can't see any real progress.  I feel horrible about the fact that I don't push her enough at home.  I don't do enough follow through with her therapies.  I enroll her in extra outside therapies and then always end up canceling them because it gets too expensive, we cancel all the time because of sickness, or it doesn't seem to be worth the effort.

That last statement probably sums it up.  "It doesn't seem to be worth the effort".  And how horrible is that to say about your child.  The daily taking care of Bella wipes me out and with everything else that goes on in our lives, I have literally given up on pushing her to do more, because I don't see progress.

Now you can listen to this song and see if you understand.