Independence

We haven’t been around kids Bella’s age much, or at least for long periods of time.  We have nieces that are close in age, but most times we are around them they want to play with the adults.  We know that Bella takes a lot of work to care for, and that she is always with us.  What had not been so apparent was just how jealous we would feel.  Recently we have been over to friends who have kids Bella’s age.  On both occasions the kids would be in a separate floor of the house, or just go outside and ride bikes on their own.  In other words at around 5 years of age, they are pretty independent.  And suddenly we realize just how bad we have it.  The constant care that Bella needs.

I have read/seen that a lot of parents with special needs kids will have playrooms set up for their kids with televisions playing their favorite shows.  Because these kids can’t run around or play with “normal developing” toys, the television is an easy thing for them to watch and enjoy.  I am even jealous of them.  Because Bella does not really watch television.  I so wish that their was a show she enjoyed enough that she could watch it for an hour or so a day.  I would feel like she was getting a little extra interaction that did not involve direct mom or dad time.  It would feel a little like she was doing an independent activity.  I know it’s probably weird to wish your kid would watch television.  I definitely don’t wish she was parked in front of it all day long.  But every once in awhile if she would enjoy watching a Disney movie, or something along those lines, would be great in my eyes.

For now she still enjoys waving her toys around while she is on the floor.  I guess you could say this is an independent activity.  But I feel like it must be so boring for her, I don’t view it as playing, but rather something she fills her time with while mom and dad are occupied.  Maybe I shouldn’t view it as that, and then I wouldn’t have such guilt.

At least she sometimes has a buddy laying with her.  I often wonder if she knows they are close by.