Life isn’t all bad

Sometimes you just need a little laughter.  And Oliver just started laughing.  He usually laughs when I am pulling off his shirt, apparently that is funny.  And he will laugh if you are laughing with him.

I'm Tired

**Updated - see end of post**

I'm tired and feel like I have no energy, and I'm tired of being tired.

Oliver doesn't quite sleep through the night, but he is pretty easy.  You just have to go in and feed him (20 minutes) and then put him back down in his crib and he will fall asleep on his own.  The problem being sometimes after I feed him it takes me an hour or longer to fall back asleep once I have laid down in bed....so frustrating.

Bella is still waking up crying EVERY NIGHT.  We have been to the doctor and there doesn't actually seem to be anything wrong with her.  Jesse usually gets up with her the first time this happens, but I am still being woken up.  And this has been going on for 10 weeks now.  And some nights it's more than once.  Bella has never been a good sleeper and we have often been woken up by her, but she wasn't crying in the past, just awake.  The crying part is what is disturbing because it seems like something is wrong, we just can't figure out what.

I am home during the day, but don't feel like I should be taking a nap, so I don't.  When the kids are sleeping (and that's when they are both sleeping at the same time, which can vary in length from day to day) I try and make/complete a project either sewing related or house project related, cook or clean up the kitchen (the rest of the house is lacking in cleaning up....I should probably work on that today), or if I am feeling really tired I will just sit on the computer and look at different things/or blog like I am doing now.

And the whole time I am thinking it would be so great to have energy once again.  To not feel like I am dragging all the time.  To not dread the mornings getting Bella ready for school and then getting both her and Oliver fed once she gets home from school.  With Bella I feel like I do the same things every day, our routine doesn't change much and it just becomes tedious to always feed her.  Her meals have been lasting up to an hour now, because she is just eating slowly and wanting to take a bunch of drinks.  So every day for 3 meals I have to sit at the table for an hour just to feed her.  Jesse usually does dinner if he can.  But it is still a big chunk of time.  I think about all the things that would be different if I could just make her food and she could feed herself.  How freeing that would be for me.  She could eat in the car, at the doctors office, where ever if needed.  Instead of always having to plan everything around her eating times.  Not only do we have a million doctors visits, but it totally stresses me out anytime we have additional plans because I have to make sure everything lines up with her eating, that either I have time to fit it in at home, or I have backups packed in case she needs to eat while out.  And eating while out is not just handing her a snack.  It's making sure I have something blended that is cold and packed away in her freezer pack.  That I have brought along her correct spoon, her special drinking cup, her bibs, washcloths, and of course her kid kart, because that is the only seat she will eat out of.  This means anytime we go to someones house, and it will include a mealtime, we have to make sure we can get the kart into their house.  And this isn't always easy, some people's houses aren't accommodating to a wheelchair, and I wouldn't expect them to be.  But this limits where we can go with her at times.

I believe I have gone off on a tangent at this point.  So I will just wrap this up for anyone still reading on.  I think I need a vacation, one where sleep is readily available and I can just take care of myself.  Even a couple of days would be great.  Maybe I should start working on that.

Thanks for listening.

**Somebody must know when I am talking about her.  On the same day I complain about feeding her...this happens.

Tonight for the first time ever, Bella grabbed her spoon and actually put it in her mouth, all by herself.  Of course this only happened once, all other attempts to have her feed herself she wouldn't do it, but she showed that she can do it.

Fall House Tour

This past weekend I decorated our house for fall.  I love fall.  I thought I would give you a little tour and show you the new Halloween project I did.

Here is the entryway table.  I think I have decided that Oliver will wear the skunk costume this year, so looks like I will need to take a picture and put it next to Bella’s.

Our family room fireplace.  This will be the last year you should see the original brick.  This is a project that has been on hold, and needs to be finished before Oliver is up moving around and potentially hurting himself on the brick.

I think Mr. Potato Head just completes the fall look….that’s some genius styling!

Our living room, which seemed lacking in decorations.

So I whipped up two new Halloween slip covers.  It was a super easy project, I just used muslin and black fabric paint.  Drawing and cutting out the stencil took the longest.

So that is the inside of our house all decorated for Halloween/fall.

It’s dirty work–“the golden poop project”

We are official cityfied folks, our septic tank has been crushed and we are now on city sewer.

This was my kitchen today, as I couldn't run any water, so dishes kept piling up everywhere.

This is my daughter, chilling as usual.

This is my son, playing with his toys.

And this is a $5000 poop pump.  Yes folks it grinds up our poop and sends it, along with all the water that goes down the drains, into the sewer pipes.

There is a lot of earthwork involved, to crush the existing septic tank and then place this grinder pump.

Here is to hoping this works well and we don’t ever get sewer water backed up into our basement like we did with the septic tank.  A person only wants to clean up a basement full of stinky poop water once in their lifetime.

Running

In this next year starting with the Children's TLC groundhog run in January, I wanted to sign up for a charitable run at least every other month.  I figure it would be a great way to get in shape and do something good at the same time.  I have been running a couple of times in the past couple of weeks, but with a year off from running during the pregnancy, I am back to square one with only being able to run about a mile.  Not that I was ever a great runner in the first place.

I have made a deal with myself that I can not buy any new clothing/shoes for myself until I lose 10 pounds, as a way to motivate myself.  And if nothing else, at least I won't be spending money!!

Medical Bills

I really hope most of you don’t ever have to worry about paying a constant barrage of medical bills.  We see so many doctors and specialists for Bella, buy medical equipment and therapy tools, etc. that Bella becomes very expensive. 

Of course this year I had a bunch of medical expenses and so did Oliver, plus I’m not working for half the year, so it’s been a little hard to swallow.  And we have medical insurance.  I couldn't imagine what life would be like if we didn’t have insurance.

I pretty much have to sit down and pay medical bills every Sunday.  And half the time I have to call the insurance company and the hospital/doctors office to make sure they agree with each other.  It becomes very frustrating.  And unfortunately I don’t see it changing anytime soon.

Bella is always going to need good coverage for insurance, and she is going to max it out almost every year.  And that is just how it will be.

Design Sunday–new top for myself

 

This was actually the first shirt I made for myself this year.

I made it nice and flowy to fit over my post-pregnancy belly.  I am happy to report it’s almost time to take the sides in.    Got to love the background in the pictures.  This is our master bathroom, which needs some major work.  And we need some major cash and a lot of time before we can tackle it.

It's begun

The biggest project to date that we have paid someone else to perform has officially started.  I'm going to call it the "golden poop" project.  Yes the $17,000 project to hook up our house to city sewer and get rid of the septic tank has begun.  It's very sad that this will be the most money we have ever spent on one single project and it is the least exciting project EVER!

And of course with the first dig they made, they cut our internet line.  Luckily they came out to fix it within the day, so we didn't go too long without.  On Monday they will come to complete the project, and we might have to go the day without water and some of the time without power.  Better get all my laundry done today.

Inclusion

I wasn’t a mean child, but I wasn’t an overly nice one either.  I was always very aware of trying to fit in with the “it” group.  Even as far back as grade school.  I am forever worried about how Bella will fit in as she grows older.  I have memories from late grade school of a boy, who was probably my age, who was wheelchair bound and would sit outside during my recess period.  I don’t ever remember other children being around him.  I just remember him slumped over in his chair and he would drool with his head to the side.  Even though he might have been my same age and in my class, I was never introduced to him.  The school chose to keep the special education kids in separate classes.  I can’t really say how I would have acted towards him had he been in my actual classes and had we interacted with him.

Bella’s school is inclusive and they try to keep the special needs children in the same classes as regular children as much as possible.  She is only in preschool now, so I’m not sure how things will change once she starts kindergarten.  But I can tell you there is a huge difference from what I hear when I am with Bella.  Most of the kids in her class will come up and say hi to her, and even some kids who are in other preschool classes will come up to her.  And beyond that, even kids in older classes know who she is.  Some will say hi and hold open the door for us, when I am wheeling her in.  Some if they are with their parents will say to their parents “That’s Bella”.  They see her both as a person and as a person who is different from them.

Most children who are not around her and see her for the first time can only see the wheelchair.  I often hear them asking their parents why she is in the chair, “What’s wrong with her?”  It’s often interesting to hear the answers the parents give.  I usually don’t mind whatever they come up with as long as it isn’t “she is a baby.”  I’ve heard that a few times and wondered why they just couldn’t say something about her being different than them and not being able to walk.  I’m fairly certain she doesn’t look like a baby anymore.  This week a child made me chuckle when they asked their parent why “that girl is in a wheelchair and she doesn’t have a broken leg.”  I didn’t hear the answer as we were just walking by.

I often think about that boy in my class and pray that Bella will have a better experience at school than he did.  And I hope there will be kids better than I was at that age that will interact with her and be her friends.

Oliver’s Artwork

I finally finished a project for Oliver’s walls.  And I’m proud to say I actually came up with it on my own.  I bought plain canvas and some wooden letters, and looked up images on the web.  Then I tried painting.  Not my strongest ability, but I think it turned out alright.


I wanted to give them an aged look, so I used some tea bags and stained them.

Then I had to beg my husband to hang them last night, so I could say this project was completed.


Now I only have 3 more walls to decorate, hopefully before he outgrows the nursery!

Eye Contact

Bella does not make good eye contact.  Most times she will look anywhere else but at you.  And if she does look at you it’s a fleeting glance.  Of course if you are not looking at Bella, that is the time Bella will watch you.  I don’t know if that is because she likes to observe without being watched herself.

We have to take a lot of pictures around here, to get good ones where Bella is looking at the camera.  Sometimes her face will be towards the camera, but her eyes are shifted off elsewhere.  And even if she is looking, her face has many expressions, most don’t photograph well.

She has gotten better at grasping at toys and objects, but she still will not actually look at the object.  She just reaches out with her hand until it touches something.

And once she drops a toy, she doesn’t follow where it goes.

We played a little with her potato family set I got her.

Yes, mom put them all together, but Bella got to pick out which accessories they would wear.

The huge difference we are noticing now, is if you put an object in front of Oliver, he will intently stare at it.  Bella will just try and pick it up without looking at it.

We would really like to work on at least making eye contact with people who speak to her, but since she doesn’t even always look at mom and dad when they speak to her, we might be working on this one for awhile.

But if you can get a smile or laugh out of her, it makes your day!

Ha Ha Ha

I actually had tears for a few of these, if you haven't seen them before they are pretty good, not sure if they are true or not.  And be warned, most are pretty raunchy.

If you would like to view more here is where I found them.

Source: Pinterest