I'm tired and feel like I have no energy, and I'm tired of being tired.
Oliver doesn't quite sleep through the night, but he is pretty easy. You just have to go in and feed him (20 minutes) and then put him back down in his crib and he will fall asleep on his own. The problem being sometimes after I feed him it takes me an hour or longer to fall back asleep once I have laid down in bed....so frustrating.
Bella is still waking up crying EVERY NIGHT. We have been to the doctor and there doesn't actually seem to be anything wrong with her. Jesse usually gets up with her the first time this happens, but I am still being woken up. And this has been going on for 10 weeks now. And some nights it's more than once. Bella has never been a good sleeper and we have often been woken up by her, but she wasn't crying in the past, just awake. The crying part is what is disturbing because it seems like something is wrong, we just can't figure out what.
I am home during the day, but don't feel like I should be taking a nap, so I don't. When the kids are sleeping (and that's when they are both sleeping at the same time, which can vary in length from day to day) I try and make/complete a project either sewing related or house project related, cook or clean up the kitchen (the rest of the house is lacking in cleaning up....I should probably work on that today), or if I am feeling really tired I will just sit on the computer and look at different things/or blog like I am doing now.
And the whole time I am thinking it would be so great to have energy once again. To not feel like I am dragging all the time. To not dread the mornings getting Bella ready for school and then getting both her and Oliver fed once she gets home from school. With Bella I feel like I do the same things every day, our routine doesn't change much and it just becomes tedious to always feed her. Her meals have been lasting up to an hour now, because she is just eating slowly and wanting to take a bunch of drinks. So every day for 3 meals I have to sit at the table for an hour just to feed her. Jesse usually does dinner if he can. But it is still a big chunk of time. I think about all the things that would be different if I could just make her food and she could feed herself. How freeing that would be for me. She could eat in the car, at the doctors office, where ever if needed. Instead of always having to plan everything around her eating times. Not only do we have a million doctors visits, but it totally stresses me out anytime we have additional plans because I have to make sure everything lines up with her eating, that either I have time to fit it in at home, or I have backups packed in case she needs to eat while out. And eating while out is not just handing her a snack. It's making sure I have something blended that is cold and packed away in her freezer pack. That I have brought along her correct spoon, her special drinking cup, her bibs, washcloths, and of course her kid kart, because that is the only seat she will eat out of. This means anytime we go to someones house, and it will include a mealtime, we have to make sure we can get the kart into their house. And this isn't always easy, some people's houses aren't accommodating to a wheelchair, and I wouldn't expect them to be. But this limits where we can go with her at times.
I believe I have gone off on a tangent at this point. So I will just wrap this up for anyone still reading on. I think I need a vacation, one where sleep is readily available and I can just take care of myself. Even a couple of days would be great. Maybe I should start working on that.
Thanks for listening.
**Somebody must know when I am talking about her. On the same day I complain about feeding her...this happens.
Tonight for the first time ever, Bella grabbed her spoon and actually put it in her mouth, all by herself. Of course this only happened once, all other attempts to have her feed herself she wouldn't do it, but she showed that she can do it.
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